flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
