and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
