I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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