ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
