i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
