You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
