I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
