So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
