his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I enjoy the company of your penis
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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