U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
