3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
