Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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