If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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