She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
