Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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