Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
this boner is exhausting
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
