Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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