when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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