i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
