Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
