he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
