his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
