dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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