So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
