We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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