**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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