I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
