I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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