Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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