So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
