I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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