honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
