You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
