I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
