there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
