no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
