Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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