NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
