i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
