some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
