Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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