i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
