I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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