im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
