she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
