Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
