hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
