I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
