Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
