he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
