I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
