so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
