the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
